I said I play lacrosse for Duke, so.....
Just in case you have been declared legally dead for the last three days here is the brief rundown: Jay Cutler plays football for the Chicago Bears. Jay Cutler plays the quarterback position for the Chicago Bears. The Chicago Bears played the Green Bay Packers in the National Football Conference Championship on Sunday, January 23, 2011. Jay, seemingly injured, sat out the second half of said game. As the game was played out, fellow NFLers took to Twitter to bash Jay as a bitch. The Chicago Bears lost to the Green Bay Packers. Jay has been diagnosed with a torn MCL, a real injury. People don't care that Jay is actually injured because they hate his attitude and his face, apparently. Moving on....
Cutler's problem is not his knee, it's not his attitude, it isn't his body language or even the fact that he is dating that hot chick from Laguna Beach (why would that be a problem? Right, I don't know, stay focused). Clearly, JC's problem boils down to one horrible, horrible thing: His doofy, dumbass haircut.
That was my elephant ear
"The Southern Swoop," or the "FratShag" if you please, has strangled The South for too long. This look is like a plague that will only vanish after all are dead (from vicious beatings in this case). This haircut has turned seemingly fine guys into Tommy Toolbag Two-Steppers who wear bright polos, belts with palm trees on them, croakies around their necks and consistently score chicks roughly 8 clicks too good looking for them. All that aside, my biggest issue with this dumpster look is that it makes all of them look like pouty schoolgirls who didn't get a second juice box at snack time - this is Cutler's problem. Cut those bangs, wipe those tears from your eyes and smile for once and maybe people won't assume you are a baby-back bitch who is looking for the next pool-side Bingo game.
Weird, this post describes a friend of mine...we'll just call him Henny Baby. Everything here describes Henny Baby to a T, except for one minor detail. Henny Baby ain't scorin no chicks 8 clicks too good nor even an 8 on a standard scale of 1-10. Dont get me wrong, he is consistently scorin chicks but it is a very low scoring game
ReplyDeleteI have a friend - let's call him Slobodan - who sports an SEC Swoop and wears his fair share of bright polos, navy blazers and boat shoes - but takes exception to being lumped into any category with Jay Cuntler and his chins.
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