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Jalen Rose, still bitter over an ass kicking in '92, defended some idiotic statements this morning on a show called First Take while promoting the Fab 5 30 for 30 movie.  Apparently Coach K wasn't knocking down Rose's door back in high school, and that made wittle Jalen weally mad  (the "w's" are needed I think).  If he and his boys could have channeled some of that hate, maybe they would've lost by only 10 instead of 20.  I can't believe there's still so much attention given to the Fab 5, considering they never existed.

It Must Be Done

From the people who brought you the Bed Intruder and are basically responsible for the auto-tune craze, the Gregory Brothers bring you Sheen. Our last post on Sheen until he kills someone.

I Think We've Seen This Before...



That's a lot of white women.





Hi, my name's Charlie too:)

As the Charlie Sheen Express continues to chug along, I am beginning to see some striking similarities between Sheen and another famous Charlie.  Apparently, I'm not the only one--some great stuff over here.  It was probably a heads-up play by the police to get Sheen's kids out of the house before Sheen and his 'goddesses' go on a murdering spree.  A judge's interest was piqued and custody of the kids was stripped after Charlie (allegedly) told his ex-wife that he would cut her head off, put it in a box, and send it to her mom.  I wonder what postage would be on sending a head through the mail. 

"Would you like insurance for this package sir?"
"Uh, yeah, I should probably do that--it's sort of a one of a kind type thing (winks)"

Drinky Bear Attacks!

Alphabet backwards please, sir.

First a disclaimer: Its Friday, so you will get two video posts and like it. Not sure why that disclaimer was necessary considering we average about .71 posts per day, although that average has been boosted big time as of late.

Ok, so this video most likely will bring back some memories for some of you. Memories of your dad, Big Tony, coming home from Tony's Bar (right, that's why it was always his favorite) after taking the edge off with about 12-41 Schlitz after his long day of selling nudie pens under a bridge. What's his reward for hard work and family dedication? Well if this guy is to be believed, an explosion of kerosene or something along those lines. Some people have daddy issues, this guy has liver issues. Follow me down the rabbit hole...

Soccer is So Hard

Yes we know she's British, hold up, are you complaining?

Leave.

This half of RTB really doesn't like soccer at all unless it is played at the highest level. Even then the shit can get absolutely ridiculous with those pansies flippity flopping all over dodge just so they can get possession of the ball and kick it back and forth for 29 minutes with no real objective. This video is sort of everywhere today (here and here at least), but I must post it because it perfectly surmises why most of our country hates this game -- we don't like Central Americans. Wait, no no no, I meant...um, roll the video after the jump, Harold!

Cleveland Tourism Bureau Strikes Back

Grover ponders the Indians' horrid starting rotation

Cleveland, which is in Ohio, gets a ton of garbage for sucking at pretty much everything. People talk about how the Browns have never won jack despite many close calls (and being relocated) or how the Indians have only won stuff in movies. More recently the Cleveland Curse reared its ugly head when LeBron got angry that his teammate was banging his mom so he took his balls to D-Wade in a city with one of the highest gay populations (RTB thinks there is a story there, not that there is anything wrong with that), thus resulting in the Cavs losing 99 straight games or so last month.

So, here we are, a economically dead city in a state that produces more stars of "To Catch a Predator" than any other, with a Hall of Fame that is a bit of a joke (Miles Davis did what again for Rock N' Roll?), with sports teams that are damn near worthless and shitty midwestern weather. Fear not natives of Cleveland, for there is a light on the horizon. And this is it...

Gotta Feel for Cardinal Fans in Libya

Yesterday they get news that ace pitcher Adam Wainwright could be lost for the year, and today all signs point to the fact that their leader has done gone lost his mind.  When he's not blaming bin Laden for hooking up his citizens with drugs, Colonel Gaddafi's wondering why no one is trying to finish the job Reggie Jackson started.  In a rambling phone call to a local news station in Libya, Gaddafi let off this gem: "There are people who have been in power longer than me, like Queen Elizabeth of Britain. And nothing's happened to her."  Maybe we should go to the tale of the tape to see just how similar these two are.

Gaddafi's been linked to some pretty horrific events the past 40 years.  For brevity's sake, let's just name a couple of the bigger ones.  First off, we've got the Black September movement that carried out the Munich massacre at the 1972 Olympics.  Rumor has it that Gaddafi financially backed these terrorists (apparently Eric Bana and friends were unable to locate Gaddafi during their quest for revenge).  Then we've got the 1986 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, allegedly ordered by Gaddafi--for which Libya later admitted responsibility.  Gaddafi is also responsible for the attempted murder of Doc Brown at the Twin Pines Mall just a year before the Pan Am bombing.  Sprinkle in executions of any dissidents brave enough to speak out against him (even hunting these 'disloyal citizens' in other countries), and Gaddafi pretty much encompasses all of the worst parts of the Bible.

Queen Elizabeth, on the other hand, has her own demons from the past.  She's been known to serve lukewarm tea on occasion.  She fell asleep at a dinner in 1997.  That same year, she told a racist joke to a group of children.  After a bumpy '97, she laid low until 2005, when she got liquored up and dropped a 'c bomb' on Prince Harry's then-girlfriend after a heated cricket match.  Since then, she's been squeaky clean.  Despite that, I've heard rumblings that a team of Navy SEALs and Army Rangers are constantly on her tail--just waiting for the green light from DC.  RTB's Washington correspondent could neither confirm nor deny this report.  It's safe to say that our government agrees with Gaddafi--enough is enough Liz!

picture source