An Elevated Train Report: The Vulture

I'm in your basement. Seriously.

The Vulture was referenced in passing whilst discussing The Door Man; we shall now delve deeper into this shallow, shameless creature's existence. You surely have seen this bird of prey and most likely have been devoured by him. Oddly, The Vulture's biggest asset is his intelligence. It is this same intelligence that is so well evolved that it lulls you to sleep and by the time you realize you've miscalculated this beast, alas it's too late and you have been....vultured.

To explain The Vulture and his tactics, let us set the scene: It's Tuesday, 8:55 a.m., you may think you're late but you aren't late enough as evidenced by your center location amongst the herd of sheep around you. By some miracle, God has touched your shoulder and given you an opening right next to the door (ah the beauty of only having to deal with one side of your body being worked over by that nice homeless man next to you). The door is nice, you are dealing with this morning like a champ, yet there are choppy waters ahead.

The first stop comes requiring you to step out and allow others to exit, yet, when you head back to your sanctuary you find an invader. The Vulture, who has been scheming this whole time from his shitty-pole in the ass-aisle position and has now swiftly and silently moved with the exiting masses and stopped short at your locale. You, my dear friend, just got F'd by the V.

You now have two options: Kill this person or, take it like a prison bitch and move on in with the unwashed masses. Yeah, that's what he thought you'd choose.

As mentioned, to be The Vulture you need multiple levels of intelligence. First, you need to understand the inner workings of the commuter's mind and how to exploit those tendencies. Second, you need to have the superior intelligence to realize the average person will not say jackshit if it means confrontation can be avoided. Finally, you need to have the smarts to know you are a dick and people don't change so embrace your dickness and steal that bastards alpha position.