tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10531705189894819542024-03-12T18:07:28.036-05:00Riding the BirdRidehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-11933266897172966902011-03-08T15:21:00.001-06:002011-03-08T18:08:29.015-06:0071-51Jalen Rose, still bitter over an ass kicking in '92,<a href="http://www.sportsgrid.com/ncaa-basketball/jalen-rose-i-hated-duke-i-felt-like-they-only-recruited-black-players-that-were-uncle-toms/"> defended some idiotic statements</a> this morning on a show called First Take while promoting the Fab 5 30 for 30 movie. Apparently Coach K wasn't knocking down Rose's door back in high school, and that made wittle Jalen weally mad (the "w's" are needed I think). If he and his boys could have channeled some of that hate, maybe they would've lost by only 10 instead of 20. I can't believe there's still so much attention given to the Fab 5, <a href="http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/basketball/news?slug=dw-fabfive040509">considering they never existed</a>. <br />
<br />
<iframe allowtransparency="allowtransparency" frameborder="0" height="380" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://videos.mediaite.com/embed/player/?layout=&playlist_cid=&media_type=video&content=3250NG0XRKW86L78&read_more=1&widget_type_cid=svp" width="380"></iframe>Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-9042532140764164952011-03-08T15:20:00.004-06:002011-03-08T15:25:17.548-06:00It Must Be Done<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBHGmP3y042zZ-G-9MVdYhlk9JLR0aYrH6JmvA25AROK-iksCPB3hppaNpFLKXqLTgbKZNYE6CyLd-Shm_aVd0Uit0w6J83h7mLtkaRSrCArv06_vhlhrTzABCtj9cQ3H89eH4zOgt77ht/s1600/your-mom2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 359px; height: 274px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBHGmP3y042zZ-G-9MVdYhlk9JLR0aYrH6JmvA25AROK-iksCPB3hppaNpFLKXqLTgbKZNYE6CyLd-Shm_aVd0Uit0w6J83h7mLtkaRSrCArv06_vhlhrTzABCtj9cQ3H89eH4zOgt77ht/s400/your-mom2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5581823300426046786" /></a><br /><br /><br />From the people who brought you the Bed Intruder and are basically responsible for the auto-tune craze, the Gregory Brothers bring you Sheen. Our last post on Sheen until he kills someone. <a name='more'></a><br /><br /><object style="height: 390px; width: 640px" width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9QS0q3mGPGg?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9QS0q3mGPGg?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Thanks to <a href="http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/tag/the-gregory-brothers">Warming Glow</a></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-84015954534606778132011-03-02T09:52:00.000-06:002011-03-02T09:52:21.153-06:00I Think We've Seen This Before...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij2ATmH8t4m_4UQS_bjESQYtXq8JZb0sZ0iOwPAzuq39aiJ4NRzjaX1aBl0CCvze_81ZXsKFnIowoZyd4MzKr3ZDCAA_q6GteOQ-7v2zyJDrD0sdclR96vH54usLh56gnSZ97ayYPCuILR/s1600/SHEEN-WINNING-CHICKS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="179" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij2ATmH8t4m_4UQS_bjESQYtXq8JZb0sZ0iOwPAzuq39aiJ4NRzjaX1aBl0CCvze_81ZXsKFnIowoZyd4MzKr3ZDCAA_q6GteOQ-7v2zyJDrD0sdclR96vH54usLh56gnSZ97ayYPCuILR/s320/SHEEN-WINNING-CHICKS.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>That's a lot of white women.</em></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnjfDBoyh5lzNzoQRxkWlSz0zRENgvuoPXQQUe4gdH5FMPnmI0Zbm8rV_qxMPVN4_12VITqvzPy-eF1p1fspNA98MA76-i_NohQUbB4p3HZsB0vaG60sSJivsCp703lNvlPBAeZtqudqPp/s1600/manson1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnjfDBoyh5lzNzoQRxkWlSz0zRENgvuoPXQQUe4gdH5FMPnmI0Zbm8rV_qxMPVN4_12VITqvzPy-eF1p1fspNA98MA76-i_NohQUbB4p3HZsB0vaG60sSJivsCp703lNvlPBAeZtqudqPp/s1600/manson1.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><em>Hi, my name's Charlie too:)</em></td></tr>
</tbody></table>As the <a href="http://smallscreenscoop.com/charlie-sheen-quotes/313844/">Charlie Sheen Express</a> continues to chug along, I am beginning to see some striking similarities between Sheen and another famous Charlie. Apparently, I'm not the only one--some great stuff <a href="http://www.nerve.com/news/tv/charlie-sheen-fired-for-rants-that-sound-just-like-charles-manson">over here</a>. It was probably a heads-up play by the police to get Sheen's kids out of the house before Sheen and his 'goddesses' go on a murdering spree. A judge's interest was piqued and custody of the kids was stripped after Charlie (allegedly) told his ex-wife that he would <a href="http://www.tmz.com/2011/03/01/brooke-mueller-charlie-sheen-child-custody-twins-bob-max-death-threats-divorce-temporary-restraining-order/">cut her head off, put it in a box, and send it to her mom.</a> I wonder what postage would be on sending a head through the mail. <br />
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"Would you like insurance for this package sir?"<br />
"Uh, yeah, I should probably do that--it's sort of a one of a kind type thing (winks)"Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-91683326125026516172011-02-25T16:04:00.005-06:002011-02-25T16:22:19.846-06:00Drinky Bear Attacks!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxy4wbbu6zUftLwzEnzVSfcAi11vNbdW4zYLk_EE8TulswuMAgmUhJC5VAUzFup8VV2NTBfij9cUqNH0GwC-bE4aCKoWlyRmmJYyStRabNrKBrHZIi-3A__gqyRjpADzWB8evlEEM2krMO/s1600/Drinking+Bear.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 271px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxy4wbbu6zUftLwzEnzVSfcAi11vNbdW4zYLk_EE8TulswuMAgmUhJC5VAUzFup8VV2NTBfij9cUqNH0GwC-bE4aCKoWlyRmmJYyStRabNrKBrHZIi-3A__gqyRjpADzWB8evlEEM2krMO/s400/Drinking+Bear.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5577755270541335442" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>Alphabet backwards please, sir.</i></b></span></div><br /><div>First a disclaimer: Its Friday, so you will get two video posts and like it. Not sure why that disclaimer was necessary considering we average about .71 posts per day, although that average has been boosted big time as of late.<div><br /></div><div>Ok, so this video most likely will bring back some memories for some of you. Memories of your dad, Big Tony, coming home from Tony's Bar (right, that's why it was always his favorite) after taking the edge off with about 12-41 Schlitz after his long day of selling nudie pens under a bridge. What's his reward for hard work and family dedication? Well if this guy is to be believed, an explosion of kerosene or something along those lines. Some people have daddy issues, this guy has liver issues. Follow me down the rabbit hole...</div><a name='more'></a><br /><br /><object style="height: 390px; width: 640px" width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kJKIrseIHRE?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kJKIrseIHRE?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object><br /><br />Extra points for this guy not trying to eat the microphones or throwing up on them for that matter. Also, double gold stars for telling us he is going to get racist and then not saying one racist thing.<br /><br />Sorry that our video sizing is jacked - Geek Squad will be here between 9-4 tomorrow.<br /><br /><a href="http://warmingglow.uproxx.com/2011/02/drunkest-interview-ever">Source</a> is the awesome Warming Glow</div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-13036275048321137052011-02-25T09:23:00.005-06:002011-02-25T09:35:58.714-06:00Soccer is So Hard<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAx1vbmCGslg7Iw1Yv8wP-kCl6qgwXg2u_5SQJsQ8xwcPKd-wHiHuiiHVJ8GzaHIrsfWFi2Nch2o_lrZhZCFp5CMW8QWv4k6E7Ir9b1wU8sDVvovBXdN9nf6qpW7arF-NHO6UD7JtiNeKM/s1600/keeley_hazell-14.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 221px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAx1vbmCGslg7Iw1Yv8wP-kCl6qgwXg2u_5SQJsQ8xwcPKd-wHiHuiiHVJ8GzaHIrsfWFi2Nch2o_lrZhZCFp5CMW8QWv4k6E7Ir9b1wU8sDVvovBXdN9nf6qpW7arF-NHO6UD7JtiNeKM/s400/keeley_hazell-14.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5577650815285001650" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>Yes we know she's British, hold up, are you complaining? </i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>Leave.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><u><br /></u></span></div>This half of RTB really doesn't like soccer at all unless it is played at the highest level. Even then the shit can get absolutely ridiculous with those pansies flippity flopping all over dodge just so they can get possession of the ball and kick it back and forth for 29 minutes with no real objective. This video is sort of everywhere today (<a href="http://thebiglead.com/">here </a>and <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2011/02/now-thats-a-fantastic-soccer-flop">here </a>at least), but I must post it because it perfectly surmises why most of our country hates this game -- we don't like Central Americans. Wait, no no no, I meant...um, roll the video after the jump, Harold! <a name='more'></a><br /><br /><object style="height: 390px; width: 640px" width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/_7o_3mQ_dEo?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/_7o_3mQ_dEo?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-78276068943259617252011-02-24T16:14:00.005-06:002011-02-24T16:44:31.331-06:00Cleveland Tourism Bureau Strikes Back<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0on_MGQ0EujtEMp4UZqlRI3iTkn4YOiCJXRUWLAWN2qVkpR7cxsfL5V-N2VyjIgWvaz_nL05uvvho76DJ7pXG62i4gTw2InHBzyxANcVF-S62o9C2FJvLsAEekirE4lo0IPUgeYaovYan/s1600/grover-cleveland-picture.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 398px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0on_MGQ0EujtEMp4UZqlRI3iTkn4YOiCJXRUWLAWN2qVkpR7cxsfL5V-N2VyjIgWvaz_nL05uvvho76DJ7pXG62i4gTw2InHBzyxANcVF-S62o9C2FJvLsAEekirE4lo0IPUgeYaovYan/s400/grover-cleveland-picture.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5577390314637690530" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" >Grover ponders the Indians' horrid starting rotation</span></b></i></div><div><br />Cleveland, which is in Ohio, gets a ton of garbage for sucking at pretty much everything. People talk about how the Browns have never won jack despite many close calls (and being relocated) or how the Indians have only won stuff in movies. More recently the Cleveland Curse reared its ugly head when LeBron got angry that <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/20/calvin-murphy-lebron-jame_n_583135.html">his teammate was banging his mom</a> so he took his balls to D-Wade in a city with one of the highest gay populations (RTB thinks there is a story there, not that there is anything wrong with that), thus resulting in the Cavs losing 99 straight games or so last month.<div><br /></div><div>So, here we are, a economically dead city in a state that produces more stars of "To Catch a Predator" than any other, with a Hall of Fame that is a bit of a joke (<a href="http://rockhall.com/inductees/alphabetical/D/">Miles Davis</a> did what again for Rock N' Roll?), with sports teams that are damn near worthless and shitty midwestern weather. Fear not natives of Cleveland, for there is a light on the horizon. And this is it... <a name='more'></a></div><br /><br /><object width="640" height="390"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vMCQJA0sw4c&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vMCQJA0sw4c&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="640" height="390"></embed></object><br /><br />Its hard to say what I find more impressive between the astonishing graphics or these dudes' complete refusal to even attempt a rhyme. Either way, these boys have captured lightning in a bottle. Here's hoping for a Detroit drop soon.<br /><br />** RTB thanks to Lom in Vegas for the tip</div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-72102631038264131062011-02-24T14:06:00.002-06:002011-02-24T14:08:44.142-06:00Gotta Feel for Cardinal Fans in Libya<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrezbp-5UNc0i9JLbcsujtXNFkIIvJRPSo5wN5xLVLV0IQj2Q4j4CZW258IYXhFuH6Dg9zCr76ocLGtow3kuGdEhb35xJ4vjlgzxASG7iK40fNZES0uVb7Ixc4G61oQJGqZiGKP4kKbjU/s1600/24_queenqadaffi_250x375.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" l6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUrezbp-5UNc0i9JLbcsujtXNFkIIvJRPSo5wN5xLVLV0IQj2Q4j4CZW258IYXhFuH6Dg9zCr76ocLGtow3kuGdEhb35xJ4vjlgzxASG7iK40fNZES0uVb7Ixc4G61oQJGqZiGKP4kKbjU/s320/24_queenqadaffi_250x375.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>Yesterday they get news that ace pitcher Adam Wainwright could be lost for the year, and today all signs point to the fact that their leader has done gone lost his mind. When he's not blaming bin Laden for hooking up his citizens with drugs, Colonel Gaddafi's wondering why no one is trying to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7igsvOqOYXA">finish the job Reggie Jackson started</a>. In a rambling phone call to a local news station in Libya, <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/africaandindianocean/libya/8345597/Libya-Gaddafi-compares-himself-to-the-Queen-in-latest-rant.html">Gaddafi let off this gem</a>: "There are people who have been in power longer than me, like Queen Elizabeth of Britain. And nothing's happened to her." Maybe we should go to the tale of the tape to see just how similar these two are.<br />
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Gaddafi's been linked to some pretty horrific events the past 40 years. For brevity's sake, let's just name a couple of the bigger ones. First off, we've got the Black September movement that carried out the Munich massacre at the 1972 Olympics. Rumor has it that Gaddafi financially backed these terrorists (apparently Eric Bana and friends were unable to locate Gaddafi during their quest for revenge). Then we've got the 1986 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, allegedly ordered by Gaddafi--for which Libya later admitted responsibility. Gaddafi is also responsible for the attempted murder of Doc Brown at the Twin Pines Mall just a year before the Pan Am bombing. Sprinkle in executions of any dissidents brave enough to speak out against him (even hunting these 'disloyal citizens' in other countries), and Gaddafi pretty much encompasses all of the worst parts of the Bible. <br />
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Queen Elizabeth, on the other hand, has her own demons from the past. She's been known to serve lukewarm tea on occasion. She fell asleep at a dinner in 1997. That same year, she told a racist joke to a group of children. After a bumpy '97, she laid low until 2005, when she got liquored up and dropped a 'c bomb' on Prince Harry's then-girlfriend after a heated cricket match. Since then, she's been squeaky clean. Despite that, I've heard rumblings that a team of Navy SEALs and Army Rangers are constantly on her tail--just waiting for the green light from DC. RTB's Washington correspondent could neither confirm nor deny this report. It's safe to say that our government agrees with Gaddafi--enough is enough Liz!<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><a href="http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2011/02/qaddafi_insists_hes_just_a_har.html">picture source</a></span>Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-75228439344721979392011-02-24T11:09:00.008-06:002011-02-24T12:07:22.078-06:00And I Want A Lifetime Supply of Bugles<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcuQzX0ZGcULxBNYvtFP5APNEkVCBlz1OAqQZR7hA012sND0-brt0BBCujTHVIg9ybMlMCh32P5iQaAIZeiPYkDXijZ7QcYUSm3EiPZCEgF0sFNai1W4g2mPC19ObJkhy1Z81yuRqJtgTc/s1600/gary_sinise_240.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 260px; height: 355px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcuQzX0ZGcULxBNYvtFP5APNEkVCBlz1OAqQZR7hA012sND0-brt0BBCujTHVIg9ybMlMCh32P5iQaAIZeiPYkDXijZ7QcYUSm3EiPZCEgF0sFNai1W4g2mPC19ObJkhy1Z81yuRqJtgTc/s400/gary_sinise_240.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5577313126024374418" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span">Gary, I said over-easy, not over-medium, jackass.</span></b></i></div><div><br />Sean and Kent, of the New York State Smith Clan, have come up with a completely unique and mind-blowing idea: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/24/lv-air-new-las-vegas-char_n_827152.html">An airline that operates flights between NY to Vegas only, with the kicker that the airline packages its services with certain casinos. </a>You buy your airline ticket along with your hotel room along with tickets to shows and shit. <div><br /></div><div>Oh, I've heard of this, it's called every travel site invented since 2003. <div><br /></div><div>"But wait," exclaim the Smiths, "we also are offering sweet in-air perks like iPad's, texting and club music." Awesome, now I am stuck on a plane for 4 hours with nothing to do but play Angry Birds and watch Jersey rats fist pump to Sand Storm? "Yo, yo, yo! Dis iz DJ JetPack comin' at ya from the deck of Flight 127 headed to Sin City party peeeeeoooopplllleeeeee!!!" Any chance I can get a gun and a lot of bullets with that package too?</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Despite the obvious, LV Air is running into a few snags. Namely, they haven't found any casino partners and have not been able to publicly offer any type of price structure. Details are a bitch, eh? Seriously, would I love to pay a flat price for a flight, a room at a happening casino including some VIP perks? Of course. Would I also like a unicorn to cook me breakfast every morning and have that served by Gary Sinese in character as Lt. Dan? Of course. </div><div><br /></div><div>It ain't happening. </div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-86838093810063350132011-02-23T14:59:00.009-06:002011-02-23T15:51:04.272-06:00RTB 8-Ball: Southwest Gonna Rape Us All<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifTr-kBB5VhNbjlglMNgIUbhMiKdG-IFyh94W-PP6D3tX1-WQCmXF1V_-ImT27X_Oh7VgTxdzfdWhihFv0sXpgUHLsR21EYBvjJSrmMYBa9gI0pSpRQhR9jYNLaJlTA8A5p4OzojC7mZa_/s1600/0308-financial-crisis-recovery_full_600.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifTr-kBB5VhNbjlglMNgIUbhMiKdG-IFyh94W-PP6D3tX1-WQCmXF1V_-ImT27X_Oh7VgTxdzfdWhihFv0sXpgUHLsR21EYBvjJSrmMYBa9gI0pSpRQhR9jYNLaJlTA8A5p4OzojC7mZa_/s400/0308-financial-crisis-recovery_full_600.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5577000843398525986" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span">Gregory (Harvard, '04) just lost $5 Mill on Porkbellies</span></b></i></div><div><br />For those of us who use an airstrip that is served by Southwest Airlines there is no competition. Our search for flights begins and ends at their website. No matter how the numbers appear at the beginning of the planning stage it almost always shakes out that no other airlines can compete with what SW has going. The reasons are many: Tons of flight options to major destinations, cheap tickets, simple and effective reward system, no change fees and no baggage fees. Those last two points have been jimmy-jammed into our melons over the last few months ever since Southwest launched their recent slew of ads. <div><br /></div><div>It all seems good and if this post stopped now our cult of followers would be sure RTB has sold out maaaaaan (shut-up hipsters). Ahh, but this post, sadly for you, is not over and we have a gut feeling that things are going to get very ugly down by the beach... </div><a name='more'></a><br />It is pretty common knowledge that Southwest really took off in mid-00's after they took the chance and hedged on oil at like $52 per barrel. Of course, right after that happened oil shot up to about $4,321.21 per barrel, roughly. That loud sound we heard back in 2007 wasn't real estate investors blowing their heads off, it was actually SW's corporate officers shooting hookers and cocaine out of celebratory cannons. The oil hedge also allowed the "Bags Fly Free" mantra to mutate and take over the world and now the "No Change Fees" animal to eat all the fat cats in fake Judge Judy's court. <div><br /></div><div>Well guess what sugartits, Southwest is right back in the scrum with the other airline criminals battling daily oil prices and losing. This means bad things for your discretionary squirrel fighting gambling fund. Proof? A fair increase happened across the board <a href="http://travel.usatoday.com/flights/story/2011/02/Southwest-raises-fares-5-each-way/43981748/1">last week</a>. The first for Southwest in awhile. And how about the <a href="http://www.southwest.com/html/travel-extras/promotions/rapid-rewards-all-new.html">new convoluted reward plan</a> they slammed on the table? Instead of rewards based on the number of flights flown (which was just awesome), points are awarded in relation to miles flown and money spent (more the better). I wonder who benefits from that? The name rhymes with "screwingcustomersisthebest."</div><div><br /></div><div>Here's a wild guess for ya too: Southwest milked the free bags thing for all it was worth and has now changed its ad focus to the change fees angle knowing they will indeed need to charge for bags in the very near future. Offering no change fees is solid enough to advertise the shit out of and less of a burden on the bottom line to provide. And you know that the bags fee craze is just too good of an ass-ram to the consumer to pass up. Just wait and see, the best of the best is going to turn into just another airline stealing your lunch money. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-7554298417036219492011-02-22T11:23:00.005-06:002011-02-22T13:09:36.367-06:00Pirates Kill 4 Americans Today; Kill 'Em All<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFS_wydOkSuIt9ymoXKCro-xShpwBFh8tnbt9wD2CKkZDMP97JIOpczm4EFWfm-7HAGJ4CBMWCgFAlkk2Yromk_TYNCbrLJzYBc6PgOUgDT4TmZJhEUKbCJXdCcOLItjg34w1OoC0c4dW0/s1600/south-park-pirates-570x440.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 309px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFS_wydOkSuIt9ymoXKCro-xShpwBFh8tnbt9wD2CKkZDMP97JIOpczm4EFWfm-7HAGJ4CBMWCgFAlkk2Yromk_TYNCbrLJzYBc6PgOUgDT4TmZJhEUKbCJXdCcOLItjg34w1OoC0c4dW0/s400/south-park-pirates-570x440.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5576567298062563490" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>This is too relevant not to post, sympathy be damned</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Some serious garbage went down today off the coast of East Africa when Somali Pirates killed 4 American hostages. I'm not going to rehash the story, but if you need it you can grab a look <a href="http://www.foxnews.com/world/2011/02/22/americans-aboard-yacht-captured-pirates-reportedly-killed/">here</a>. Obviously it's a tragedy and we all feel horrible for the victims and their families, but what the hell is going on over there? In the news story linked there is a little throw away line that pirates currently hold 30 ships and 660 hostages. I'm sorry, come again?</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">There are 660 people in this world that are currently being held at gun point by some skinny little bitch of a teenager wearing a Mello-Yello tee from 1991? And we are doing what about this? Oh sorry, that's right, we sniped two of them a few years back and gave another one a few decades in prison....well bravo, jerk offs. I know that number isn't all Americans, but even one is too many.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">I have a solution: Stop negotiating with these rodents, instead send a few Navy SEALs (3 is probably enough, honestly) over there for about 2 months to kill every single bobblehead putts'n around in a 12 foot fishing boat. I'm guessing after somebody has a few friends and siblings getting their noggins blown through they will think twice about even thinking about fucking with an American.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">One more solution: HEY PEOPLE ON BOATS, STOP GOING ANYWHERE NEAR EAST AFRICA. </span></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-80590320837638700712011-02-16T20:18:00.002-06:002011-02-17T10:10:01.405-06:00Better Late than Never<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKb4Pme2WFm-at3b0gjLGfvSMawegB3DS23KBmIat2_qFLnaKW7uoF-meuJcyksafbOBGA9zBVr-VuO3i0b1CstUsNHFtJRNIilxe9WftWSPuPYKKWRw0PrH4YQQhuPUbuqlYiE5uq7jbR/s1600/oj-pic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" j6="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKb4Pme2WFm-at3b0gjLGfvSMawegB3DS23KBmIat2_qFLnaKW7uoF-meuJcyksafbOBGA9zBVr-VuO3i0b1CstUsNHFtJRNIilxe9WftWSPuPYKKWRw0PrH4YQQhuPUbuqlYiE5uq7jbR/s320/oj-pic.jpg" width="199" /></a></div>News out of Lovelock, NV is that the Juice <a href="http://www.nationalenquirer.com/oj_simpson_brutally_beaten_prison_skinhead_gang_interview/celebrity/70158">got worked over</a> by some skinhead a couple months ago. The source that reported this is the always reputable National Enquirer. The prison is now denying any harm done to the Juice, but I have reason to believe that an ass-whooping did indeed occur. You see, just like an angel gets his wings every time a bell rings, I get a little pep in my step every time a double murderer gets a shank in the ribs. I distinctively remember a time this past November when I started skipping around the city for no apparent reason blowing kisses to strangers. Now I know why.<br />
<br />
The skinny, according to the Enquirer, is that Orenthal was chilling out in the yard regaling his boys with stories of laying with white women. A neo-nazi overheard OJ's stories and became infuriated that white women would associate with a black man. Naturally, a vicious beating took place. OJ, with his arthritic hands, couldn't muster much of a fight. His massive melon took the brunt of the damage, and he ended up in sick bay for a few weeks. Hmmm. If I were Orenthal, I'd be more inclined to brag about lopping 2 heads off and getting away with it than <a href="http://www.celebitchy.com/category/christie_prody/">sexual conquests of Christie Prody</a>. <br />
<br />
I so want this story to be true, because no one deserves to end up in the ICU more than our main man OJ (well, maybe those jurors that let him get away with double murder, but that's a whole 'nother post all together). <br />
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Beating or not, at least OJ is <a href="http://twitter.com/OJ_Simpson32">back to twittering</a>...Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-16825767092477324162011-02-16T14:38:00.012-06:002011-02-16T15:17:11.494-06:00Breaking: "Respiratory Infection" a new term for an STD<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikMZsDEg7BVlmE_LXWd6ixvVJP7u0NSytGUupgLGotHi_pJr-6kU6i1ckjPJKDJblR2TJZV08yw-sVSLs0jqhabT-9WSI-oWHAoK-GQfPJzFeoOKLZXoLhPocQDQByoLadItKbjDfZD4CD/s1600/holly-and-hugh.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 275px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikMZsDEg7BVlmE_LXWd6ixvVJP7u0NSytGUupgLGotHi_pJr-6kU6i1ckjPJKDJblR2TJZV08yw-sVSLs0jqhabT-9WSI-oWHAoK-GQfPJzFeoOKLZXoLhPocQDQByoLadItKbjDfZD4CD/s400/holly-and-hugh.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5574391275743822034" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>Two hands for safety, what a gentleman.</i></b></span></div><div><br /></div><div>Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Apparently, following a week long of fundraisers at the Playboy Mansion over 200 people have fallen ill with a "respiratory infection." Yeah, when reached for comment Hugh simply said that whenever he feels sick his doctor tells him to slam two blondes with a glass of water and call in the morning....wow, what a great crowd tonight. </div><div><br /></div><div>Sorry about that intro, but it is Jay Leno Appreciation Week (9th Annual) around the RTB headquarters. As for the devastating news coming out of LA County this week, it is true that there are 200 documented cases of various illnesses befallen on individuals who were at the Mansion at the beginning of this month. Public health officials believe the cause of the problem is bacteria found in warm water. In other words, a bunch of top-heavy women with questionable morals spent too much time getting smashed (take that verb as you will) in the famed grotto. </div><div><br /></div><div>Heff has circled the <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/hughhefner">Twitter </a>wagons and made it clear that nobody can prove nothing and therefore all scheduled mass orgies are a go. But, it would appear the legal end of the Bunny Ears Empire is crossing the T's and dotting the lowercase j's, as apparent from this <a href="http://tmz.vo.llnwd.net/o28/newsdesk/tmz_documents/0215_respiratory_survey_TMZ.pdf">survey </a>unearthed by TMZ (ugh). Our favorite is #4.1, which asks how much time the respondent spent at the grotto, with option D being 4-5 hours. Those who checked 'D' are welcome any time at the RTB Grotto, which may or may not double as a utility closet with a leaky water heater. Steamy...</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/hugh-hefner-tweets-playboy-mansion-99994">Sourceness</a></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-77421047290647304002011-02-15T14:38:00.005-06:002011-02-15T14:52:36.009-06:00The Birth of a Legend<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_S_JSDve-hsqQNiNh0NQ5n2-cNiUb-pLmcgxvSmOBYWnbf5J_mDLi5v_uwh3ew_PIxRLEUwZH4-GBnva01JkRTHSMARyX01-dMWu0yM0aI3k07d2NT1V65V4mwc4I6ic-xVe_ZfStMMyv/s1600/x2_3c142d8"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_S_JSDve-hsqQNiNh0NQ5n2-cNiUb-pLmcgxvSmOBYWnbf5J_mDLi5v_uwh3ew_PIxRLEUwZH4-GBnva01JkRTHSMARyX01-dMWu0yM0aI3k07d2NT1V65V4mwc4I6ic-xVe_ZfStMMyv/s400/x2_3c142d8" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5574018907241329906" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><b>Welcome home, Mr. Bond</b></i></span></div><br /><div>This is Kate Upton (L). You may recognize her as the girl you have always loved but never knew existed. She is one of the "Rookies" in this year's SI Swimsuit Edition and has been a model for Guess? among other stuff. Right, and she is only 18. So, yeah, I think it is safe to say she will be around for awhile. <div><br /></div><div>I like to think of myself as a bit of an expert on which models are going to flip the switch and get launched into the stratosphere of modeldom and she is next. For those keeping score at home I was on the cutting edge of Heidi Klum, Adriana Lima, Bar Refaeli and Irina Shayk. I did not see the Brooklyn Decker love coming, but I'm fine with missing the mark on that one. Of course I have no evidence to back my assertions except for my undying love for the SI Swimsuit Edition since<a href="http://www.fashionmodeldirectory.com/models/tyra_banks/showphoto/131875/"> Tyra Banks was on the cover</a> (before she turned into Oprah without any sort of talent) and more specifically the bodypaint portion, which Ms. Upton stars in as well this year. <div><br /></div><div>Links to know: <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/KateUpton">Her Twitter</a> (Followers jumped by a few hundred today), <a href="http://www.kateupton.com/">Her Website</a> (WATCH THE INTRO), <a href="http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011_swimsuit/models/kate-upton/">SI Swimsuit Home</a></div></div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-70012188227321450612011-02-14T10:22:00.003-06:002011-02-14T11:23:56.584-06:00"Please Accept the Offer. I'll Name it Albert--for Serious!"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3FDHnNEDV11KDqxIz5XlWK3Gb1PeTIYJPpS2qqi7gtOTC2b_55g2MWMvoef1TGHKn0Z-guff732IaKcZwaRE90oDGN6U7UkXFoEwYIGytPoCexmPyogDYc83dR0A5PdeSKhwKOqbQNJMp/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3FDHnNEDV11KDqxIz5XlWK3Gb1PeTIYJPpS2qqi7gtOTC2b_55g2MWMvoef1TGHKn0Z-guff732IaKcZwaRE90oDGN6U7UkXFoEwYIGytPoCexmPyogDYc83dR0A5PdeSKhwKOqbQNJMp/s1600/photo.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><strong><em>Thanks Tony, but it didn't work</em></strong></div><br />
This will not become an Albert Pujols blog--one more post on this subject should suffice. As a Cardinals fan, this ongoing saga has put my blood pressure at a healthy 250/190. So we've all heard by now that Albert <a href="http://www.stltoday.com/sports/baseball/professional/article_7f511f48-37e0-11e0-b9d1-0017a4a78c22.html">rejected the Cardinals offer for an extension.</a> When did this rejection take place you ask? No clue. Some say two weeks ago, some say an offer was never even tendered. Rumor has it that ESPN jizzed in their corporate pants regarding this story. A summer full of no football just got a whole lot sexier. Scores of media have descended upon Jupiter, Florida. From spring training, these media members will then follow the Cardinals along all season asking the same question over and over and over: <em>Where will Albert end up next year? </em><br />
<br />
The most hilarious part of this whole thing is that Albert doesn't want any contract negotiations once he steps foot in the Florida sun because that might be a distraction. Really? That makes sense. The Sir Albert story is <em>already</em> all over the place. It's reached mass-hysteria levels in St. Louis. My brother, who is currently serving our country overseas, sent me the following email this morning entitled WTF: <em>What is this shit? Did Pujols reject the Cardinals offer?? This is going to be a HUGE distraction all year! </em>That's right-the latest news has already hit our service men and women on an aircraft carrier half way across the world. For those outside of Cardinal fandom, enjoy the show. The most entertaining part of the Pujols situation should be La Russa's post-game interviews--especially after a loss. Oh boy. We might see Tony start showing up to the presser's like this:<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/1yIqvePctPA?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-91923781252869233162011-02-11T14:32:00.011-06:002011-02-16T15:17:59.923-06:00He Gets Paid for This?<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0i6Gq6UPItvKUo4tw3ArBG5YgvU_659miAS8VxIFz5KUe_vTo_EE84TjNdQVNaK1XWaa0jfsEE-IQSN6SjUJHUH1llirSSLEsOSZYKDO8qzHJ9mm57-OT3v5gmm7rBwgjAmc1O7G9PK1d/s1600/funny-pictures-captain-obvious-cat.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572532823165625298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0i6Gq6UPItvKUo4tw3ArBG5YgvU_659miAS8VxIFz5KUe_vTo_EE84TjNdQVNaK1XWaa0jfsEE-IQSN6SjUJHUH1llirSSLEsOSZYKDO8qzHJ9mm57-OT3v5gmm7rBwgjAmc1O7G9PK1d/s400/funny-pictures-captain-obvious-cat.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>We are the cat, SI is the finger, the Pujols saga is the mouse</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span">If you are a white American male chances are superb that you have heard of Albert Pujols. For our non-white, female Lithuanian reader in Philadelphia, Pujols is the best baseball player in the world and one of the best of all time. Albert plays first base for the St. Louis Cardinals and has been in the news more than normal this off-season due to the expiration of his contract at the end of the 2011 season. Pujols gave a deadline to get a deal done by February 16 and to date a deal has yet to be done.</span><span class="Apple-style-span">The current state of the St. Louis fan base can best be described as delirious over the prospect of losing the face of the franchise. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">What you have just read in 10 seconds is everything that everyone in the world knows about the situation. With that being said, you can imagine why my interest was piqued when the front page of SI.com had an article from Jon Heyman titled <u>Could St. Louis lose Pujols?</u> Finally, the reputable Heyman is going to give us an inside look at the contract negotiations that could very well shape the League for the next decade. I clicked on the link with vigor only to find an article that was not only a waste of my time, but an insult to my intelligence. Seriously, check it... </span><br /><a name='more'></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Heyman starts us off with this blockbuster drop: "...if they don't keep him (Pujols), they are not likely to remain a perennial contender." Well slap my ass and call me George Michael (the singer/songwriter), what a profound statement. So you're telling me that if a team loses its best player, who also happens to be the best player in the league and a sure-fire Hall of Famer in his prime, they won't be as good as they are with him? I feel like I just got hit with a bolt of enlightenment. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span><span class="Apple-style-span">Heyman wasn't done there, he goes on to quote his source for this juicy tidbit: "I think they would be in a lot of trouble." Well slap my...wait, too much slapping? This quote came from an exec with a competing National League team. What the hell is going on here? Am I taking crazy pills? I can't believe a competing exec, who most likely cranks it to the idea of #5 on his team, would think his rival would be in a tight spot without Albert jump jacking his organization's shitty pitching. Jon then quotes an individual "not involved in the negotiations" who "heard the sides were so far apart they were 'speaking two different languages'." Translation: A guy, just any dude on the street apparently, played a game of telephone with an undisclosed other guy on the street who told him that the deal was on the rocks. I remember this game from 6th grade when Beth told me that she heard that Becky from history class had a crush on my friend Reggie because she heard Reggie wanted to dump Jenny.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">In the spirit of not wasting your time any longer with this drivel (are you still there?), let me shorten this up a little bit. Heyman goes on to tell us eight different ways that the Cardinals and Pujols are not very close to getting a deal done. He also goes on to quote his surely unbiased NL exec a few more times, including the "I think the Cardinals botched this thing from the start" zinger. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Again, I like SI a ton more than ESPN and we follow Heyman on Twitter while reading all of his articles, but man this bullshit was some bullshit. There is a ton of pressure on baseball writers to get some scoop on the Pujols talks but both sides are being extremely tight-lipped. Just acknowledge that you don't know more than the average fan and leave it at that. </span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Read at your own peril - <a href="http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/jon_heyman/02/11/albert.pujols.cardinals/index.html?eref=sihp">SI Article</a></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-36662243278870037912011-02-10T22:17:00.007-06:002011-02-10T22:58:25.822-06:00An Elevated Train Report: The Vulture<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXi8NAAx2Mtpwh1PlsHoWkmjdiHm-vf5ZqyZfkXDQba4Yp9aqwmGHEBvyZm8KClSmHXi_zNnw4OJloYUOGRXLvmaQTBWZ2U5fZOeVlNncbiM5NmfgrtezNY6jksWBaMYgMIiQZUM1_4UCm/s1600/vulture.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 290px; height: 376px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXi8NAAx2Mtpwh1PlsHoWkmjdiHm-vf5ZqyZfkXDQba4Yp9aqwmGHEBvyZm8KClSmHXi_zNnw4OJloYUOGRXLvmaQTBWZ2U5fZOeVlNncbiM5NmfgrtezNY6jksWBaMYgMIiQZUM1_4UCm/s400/vulture.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572287758144492002" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>I'm in your basement. Seriously.</i></b></span></div><div><br />The Vulture was referenced in passing whilst discussing <a href="http://ridingthebird.blogspot.com/2011/01/elevated-train-report-door-man.html">The Door Man</a>; we shall now delve deeper into this shallow, shameless creature's existence. You surely have seen this bird of prey and most likely have been devoured by him. Oddly, The Vulture's biggest asset is his intelligence. It is this same intelligence that is so well evolved that it lulls you to sleep and by the time you realize you've miscalculated this beast, alas it's too late and you have been....vultured. <div><br /></div><div>To explain The Vulture and his tactics, let us set the scene: It's Tuesday, 8:55 a.m., you may think you're late but you aren't late enough as evidenced by your center location amongst the herd of sheep around you. By some miracle, God has touched your shoulder and given you an opening right next to the door (ah the beauty of only having to deal with one side of your body being worked over by that nice homeless man next to you). The door is nice, you are dealing with this morning like a champ, yet there are choppy waters ahead. <a name='more'></a></div><div><br /></div><div>The first stop comes requiring you to step out and allow others to exit, yet, when you head back to your sanctuary you find an invader. The Vulture, who has been scheming this whole time from his shitty-pole in the ass-aisle position and has now swiftly and silently moved with the exiting masses and stopped short at your locale. You, my dear friend, just got F'd by the V. </div><div><br /></div><div>You now have two options: Kill this person or, take it like a prison bitch and move on in with the unwashed masses. Yeah, that's what he thought you'd choose. </div><div><br /></div><div>As mentioned, to be The Vulture you need multiple levels of intelligence. First, you need to understand the inner workings of the commuter's mind and how to exploit those tendencies. Second, you need to have the superior intelligence to realize the average person will not say jackshit if it means confrontation can be avoided. Finally, you need to have the smarts to know you are a dick and people don't change so embrace your dickness and steal that bastards alpha position. </div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-5777880422177220592011-02-09T15:46:00.007-06:002011-02-09T16:35:49.469-06:00Ft. Wayne Assumes You Are 5 Years-Old<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX5FJ3LaxQ4pBgspLSN7z1KFRIsPOcVoa9rt56g9xCFibp5rFrtnFABVVEagC-XHCZzM60m5Cd4aT10mNsx84_sLUj3tXRdF0RczbFKIBRF26wMH3RGbzMLyj9dL_-VjAoGWBEsBkPySBA/s1600/censored1-300x240.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX5FJ3LaxQ4pBgspLSN7z1KFRIsPOcVoa9rt56g9xCFibp5rFrtnFABVVEagC-XHCZzM60m5Cd4aT10mNsx84_sLUj3tXRdF0RczbFKIBRF26wMH3RGbzMLyj9dL_-VjAoGWBEsBkPySBA/s400/censored1-300x240.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571814567872581634" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; "><b><i>Official Government Photo of </i></b></span>Harry Baals </i></b></span></div><br /><div>Testes, junk, sack, marbles, nuggets, pills, berries, ping pongs, clangers and.... Harry Baals. These, apparently, are all words people use to describe testicles. If that list made you laugh then you are exactly the person the Ft. Wayne, Indiana government fears. <div><br /></div><div>Mr. Harry Baals was a 4-term mayor of Ft. Wayne in the 30s, 40s and 50s and more recently the runaway winner of public poll picking the honorary name for a new government center. The big Harry Baals Center would, in my mind, be a charming spot to get some real government shit done. But the leadership of Ft. Wayne does not want to give the public what they want for fear that Conan O'Brien will make fun and tarnish a great man's legacy. Family members are not happy as you might imagine. Though, I find it odd that this proud family sneering at us from their, very mature, pedestal felt the need to change the pronunciation of their name from "Balls" to "Bales" over the years. But why? Oh, probably that distant cousin Richard Andy Baals.</div><div><br /></div><div>Whatever, I say. You are now a joke regardless so you might as well get the publicity and not ignore public opinion like communists would. So the lesson here is Ft. Waynians are communist bastards who refuse to recognize the greatness of Harry Baals in our society.</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_ODD_POPULAR_MAYOR_UNPOPULAR_NAME?SITE=AP&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT">Source</a></div><div><br /></div><div>**Thanks to Dizz in the 'Nati</div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-15856443826363300242011-02-08T16:33:00.001-06:002011-02-08T16:34:37.796-06:00Here We Go Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ONNG-p3ZqItTGcW-5yEWU065rQNKlNUTDdUNNhrRbRabu8Cma5xf0ZCn5OYxoTPpkt_BzPbLZsM7wPcLR87cfrRGO1IL5stIEGWyKhujeKCTh70QqB1hEjha5ZAnHZrlpXczx7IpAv4X/s1600/duke-unc-christmas-kiss-cc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" h5="true" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3ONNG-p3ZqItTGcW-5yEWU065rQNKlNUTDdUNNhrRbRabu8Cma5xf0ZCn5OYxoTPpkt_BzPbLZsM7wPcLR87cfrRGO1IL5stIEGWyKhujeKCTh70QqB1hEjha5ZAnHZrlpXczx7IpAv4X/s320/duke-unc-christmas-kiss-cc.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The rivalry is renewed tomorrow night. As a mildly obsessed Duke fan, it doesn't get much better than a Duke-UNC game. I might get to another post tomorrow about the game, but for the time being, step inside and watch some of the finer moments from the rivalry over the past 15 or so years (don't worry you baby blue bitches, I've got some UNC highlights as well).<br />
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You see? I'll even start with a UNC highlight. It's hard for me to say this, but holy shit I love this dunk. I think it's Dickie V's call that makes it so great. These '95 Tar Heels were an ever so cocky bunch that loved having a <a href="http://www.bobcatsplanet.com/vb/showthread.php?5623-A-Jeff-MciInnis-question">good time</a>, but they backed it up. This is probably my least hated UNC team--can't really explain the levels of hatred, but I just know that the '95 team didn't have a <a href="http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/mtt/hansbrough_tyler00.html">travelling machine</a> or a <a href="http://tarheelblue.cstv.com/sports/m-baskbl/mtt/green_danny00.html">dancing fool</a> (I won't link to his stupid dance).<br />
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Just an awesome moment, and it would've been awesom-er(sp?) had Duke pulled this game out in double OT. Oh well, at least Rasheed didn't kill anyone that night. <br />
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So, Stu liked him some Duke coeds? Sounds about right. This game was about as hyped as the OJ trial. #1 v. #2 in Chapel Hill. Duke was playing without Elton Brand, and UNC was playing without Duke's whiteness. Translation: a 24 point UNC win. Jamison was a beast in this one, and even though Duke cut it to 4 points late in the second half, UNC was a tad too dominant this night. Not to worry though, because a couple weeks later Sir Elton Brand helped Duke overcome a 17 point second half deficit to win a tight one in Cameron. <br />
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We could go back and forth on who was to blame for this little flare up, but I think we can all agree that Felton overreacted a tad. I was busy looking for a sniper in the rafters when the fight broke out, but luckily it was just a finger to the face. Can you believe Felton came back in to the game?? What a fighter!<br />
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JJ came to play that night. If only he could've pulled one of these games out against Michigan State or LSU in the tourney--damn...<br />
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No need to look for a sniper here. You know what cracks me up about this whole elbow thing? I don't recall Roy Williams or even <em>one</em> UNC player expressing concern over whether Gerald's elbow was ok. No no no, let's just worry about our guy and his 7 or 8 pints of blood on the court. Jerks.<br />
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Glorious.Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-61681356165632198522011-02-07T16:55:00.007-06:002011-02-07T17:16:45.396-06:00Champion.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDLTEPdradbFBHmhgKRYbmakdGimIW9ZcX9WyWIw92_YzbOSkChLcukQUXhqTmYE1lOiIT48-SC0sUarA5icz340n_q3AUooBs0YuyWGXdqLHU892b4m9m9dGE97Qli7Mz9P16n47NQlAH/s1600/charles-woodson.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 322px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDLTEPdradbFBHmhgKRYbmakdGimIW9ZcX9WyWIw92_YzbOSkChLcukQUXhqTmYE1lOiIT48-SC0sUarA5icz340n_q3AUooBs0YuyWGXdqLHU892b4m9m9dGE97Qli7Mz9P16n47NQlAH/s400/charles-woodson.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5571088224554264194" /></a><br /><div>Please excuse the blatant homerism, but half of RTB is extremely interested in Michigan Football and by extension, its alumni. Including your newest World Champion: Charles Woodson. </div><div><br /></div><div>A pretty good game, as is the norm over the last few years. It really seemed all too perfect for Big Ben and the Steelers to steal another championship late, but credit to the depleted Green Bay secondary for shutting it down. The Steelers deserve credit too for being the inspiration of the best rap song going today: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2T5fgB9rkI">Not Black & Yellow</a>. "She never play Madden, but she got that hit stick." Poetry if I've ever read it. </div><div><br /></div><div>** Thanks to RTB reader Zilla for the tip. </div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-44663242463306565412011-02-04T10:37:00.004-06:002011-02-04T10:59:34.652-06:00'Bron Scores Baskets Many Times Over<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaQ3s1NBM2BTEiy6D73m2aVHG6lITaJQyOFTVyc3M2hZ7xxZmjLdt-uvhkhvNxW388fsKqYNRgoVeQmd7_kKIH9TIsCOXgPHX6dBNhYQnN5kIQY_m0HXfDvA6gzG99XeXSBhFfBD1QIIbg/s1600/Big_Ben_Raped_Me_Green_Bay_1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaQ3s1NBM2BTEiy6D73m2aVHG6lITaJQyOFTVyc3M2hZ7xxZmjLdt-uvhkhvNxW388fsKqYNRgoVeQmd7_kKIH9TIsCOXgPHX6dBNhYQnN5kIQY_m0HXfDvA6gzG99XeXSBhFfBD1QIIbg/s400/Big_Ben_Raped_Me_Green_Bay_1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569878745999743570" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>A gift for your Mom.</i></b></span></div><div><br />Despite our posting track record, we actually really like sports and even follow some of the matches. That being said, we understand that you can get your sports news everywhere and you come to this sight for our financial market analysis and elephants on skates so we usually won't waste anyone's time discussing sporting endeavors. But, there are a few things worth noting right now: <div><br /></div><div>- LeBron got straight nasty wit' it last night dropping 51 on the Magic, including 23 in the first. The real story here is how much the Heat suck. The King goes off and they still barely eeked out the W 104-100. My guess is a second round bow out and a new coach next year. <a href="http://www.nba.com/video/games/magic/2011/02/03/0021000730_mia_orl_recap.nba/?ls=iref:nbahpt1">Highlights</a></div><div><br /></div><div>- Despite the NFL's proverbial climax last week in the form of the Pro Bowl, the Steelers and Packers still plan on playing the Super Bowl in Dallas this weekend. <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=lukas/110203_uni_watch_super_bowl">Here </a>is a breakdown of the game from the aesthetic end and <a href="http://withleather.uproxx.com/2011/02/super-bowl-commercials-leaked-early">here</a> are the three commercials leaked by WikiLeaks - gotta love Toddler Vadar. Also, if you want the banner pic on a shirt, look <a href="http://digateeshirts.com/products/funny-tshirts-funny-tee-shirts-big-ben-raped-me">here</a>, sicko. </div><div><br /></div><div>- In the National Hockey League last night, the Boston Bruins and the Dallas Stars had three fights, two goals and a pulled goalie....in the first 2 minutes. <a href="http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/console?hdpid=49&id=95973">Unique</a>. </div><div><br /></div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-55507908469932413552011-02-04T10:14:00.008-06:002011-02-04T14:02:58.812-06:00But...How?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWRdjLX5iXom9q2Xn0pwOVvV6P6dX34kaLRv9Sc50RbYwxLEuUdULhUOlsjn-DDp71eKAtRRPvzPu11arg1REzOaMqtIe1MiRW-aFtgrbhdomwSsHiZyyuCKgkOkc6UrU2EZwmDz4Ebx7T/s1600/59171631.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWRdjLX5iXom9q2Xn0pwOVvV6P6dX34kaLRv9Sc50RbYwxLEuUdULhUOlsjn-DDp71eKAtRRPvzPu11arg1REzOaMqtIe1MiRW-aFtgrbhdomwSsHiZyyuCKgkOkc6UrU2EZwmDz4Ebx7T/s400/59171631.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5569869223014230674" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i>Who's up for a party, Donner style?</i></b></div><div><br />The picture above is both a perfect prediction of what the end of the world will look like and a picture of Chicago's famed Lake Shore Drive on Wednesday morning. Yes, we had an awful storm here and yes everyone has been digging themselves out for 4 days and yes we knew it was coming. This last point is where I get a little caught up and realize just how dumb our society can be under pressure. How the hell did all of these people, with multi-day notice, get caught in the middle of blizzard on a road that is literally 4 feet from a Lake Michigan? What the hell where you thinking?<div><br /></div><div>There may be a few plausible explanations for these people's mind-numbing idiocy. For example, maybe they work at a nuclear power plant and had to flip a switch at 5 pm (storm started at 2) or the core of the earth would implode. Or maybe some of these people misread their Pontiac Sunfire's owner's manual and thought the car had flying capabilities. I don't know and honestly I don't care. Another quick question: Where the hell did these people walk after abandoning ship?! Is the Chicago P.D. about to discover 3,000 bodies scattered throughout Lincoln Park? I bet a few of those people wish they had Tonton to cut open and use as sleeping bag. </div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, what the hell was that bus driver's last words to his passengers? "Attention CTA riders, we know you have a choice in your transportation and it appears you chose wrong. Good bye." </div></div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-36620078387350772862011-01-31T10:47:00.001-06:002011-01-31T14:50:44.187-06:00I Can't Wait to Own a House<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivivTFFDh4F3pYXpVja_Sj83Og0lmqYNHDt6bk9gDzotwjqrHNdObCUakn-ZNfk7yvWKcMuUdHOu74D6yO4M-_K6VqhUeNoQi3SkkptgTwM7KyToPHoJKBKvZRYI6i0R7ORnyXbYuOYgTD/s1600/fat-couple-exercise.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivivTFFDh4F3pYXpVja_Sj83Og0lmqYNHDt6bk9gDzotwjqrHNdObCUakn-ZNfk7yvWKcMuUdHOu74D6yO4M-_K6VqhUeNoQi3SkkptgTwM7KyToPHoJKBKvZRYI6i0R7ORnyXbYuOYgTD/s320/fat-couple-exercise.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Those that live in apartments know of the trade off you get with hardwood floors. You get the nice look without the dirty carpet, but you also get the paper thin ceilings. Back in the day, RTB shared an apartment in the Chicago area. We were on the second floor of a three-flat. Our sprawling apartment had beautiful hardwood floors, and we were ecstatic--until about a week after we moved into the place. We are convinced that the guy that lived above us worked for Boeing on a special project. Boeing had asked him to build a 747 in his apartment, and he would have to do this task on his own time--after work. To his credit, he worked like a sumbitch, putting in about 25 -30 hours a week during weeknights to complete the project. We left before the guy above us finished building the jumbo jet. True story: the three-flat was later set ablaze. Our thinking is that the Boeing dude got pissed once he finished the plane and realized he couldn't fit it down the stairs. To our knowledge, no charges were brought against him though.<br />
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Fast forward a few years, and I'm begging for the Boeing guy instead of what I have now. Currently, my wife and I are living below two of the worst people imaginable. These people (pictured above--roughly) apparently have a touch of paranoid schizophrenia, which would explain why they march back and forth in their apartment for about 20 hours a day, 7 days a week. From working from home a couple days and being home on the weekends, we know that these wonderful people take no breaks. They even get their dog involved in the marching which usually sets off our dog on a barking spree. It's really quite a symphony we have going. The constant stomping with a couple dogs barking their heads off can be a very soothing sound.<br />
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Last night the marching relented for a few minutes, which was met with applause from our apartment. Oh how naive we were. A couple minutes after their final stomp, I heard a ruffle of a moan. At first, I thought <em>that makes sense, I'd be moaning too if I stomped 140 hours a week for the past 6 months.</em> Then I heard more moaning --moaning that might accompany <em>200</em> hours a week of marching. Hey, wait a sec. More moaning. I finally figured it out. <em>Please start marching again. Please. </em>A couple more minutes of moaning and then silence. Moments later, they were back to their posts, and I was on craigslist looking for a new apartment. I wonder if they fit the <a href="http://dexter.wikia.com/wiki/Code_of_Harry">Code of Harry</a>...Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-11391088753011562362011-01-28T10:46:00.007-06:002011-01-28T11:28:35.237-06:00Archer has Returned<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivwxi9GbOBG45cw1Pg58ANELmSYbyrjbW2lLYO-KrWQuuzeGaH5clYUD_qfN8S9lcALeVBY-UctsqQimdxX-Bdnwd32jCjq7UbArknI8vc7JCHCBlesrE073lz4KcUmwZPEj2fekhR-HZt/s1600/archer.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 226px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivwxi9GbOBG45cw1Pg58ANELmSYbyrjbW2lLYO-KrWQuuzeGaH5clYUD_qfN8S9lcALeVBY-UctsqQimdxX-Bdnwd32jCjq7UbArknI8vc7JCHCBlesrE073lz4KcUmwZPEj2fekhR-HZt/s400/archer.png" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567289411906572114" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span">Another Sunday afternoon at the Archer household</span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>I get the sneaky feeling that not enough people in this world are watching "Archer" on FX. The show is just phenomenal and I don't want our readers missing out.<div><br /></div><div>Season 2 premiered last night (10 pm est) and the episode involved all of the following: Twin terrorists with the same girlfriend, Archer being constantly molested by a scantily clad European heiress (17 years-old, by the way), Archer using a home-made flamethrower of sorts to sizzle the terrorists, a topless snowmobile chase involving guns with lots of explosions and a absinthe-induced threesome between a European King, a old woman and a pleasantly plump 30 something. Did I mention the show is a cartoon?</div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5YZjwulClXkwCtVA2pfUCAUc0kwxfqoMn_GfwchqmW96igs3C6DchryFG2i9-M16V_uNLL6eKVyqMVsFMqO450PXC697GqQRTA6HtQxJjN1S6AMrBYpJ8CpWcwE4FBEdAe04Gqk9Sze0J/s200/archer-animated-cartoon.png" style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 113px;" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5567288528236695426" /><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>Work Hard, Play Hard</i></b></span></div><div><br /></div><div>For your information, "Archer" is a play on the spy genre set in some type of mash-up of today and the late Sixties. A typical episode starts with the agency (ISIS) being hired to foil some generic plot (kidnapping, bombing, government coup) which requires the work of the world famous Sterling Archer. The combination of extremely witty writing along with the fact that every character screws everything that walks (and the mission for that matter) makes this show a must-see. Very sensual.</div><div><br /></div><div>The new episode isn't up yet on <a href="http://www.hulu.com/search?query=archer&st=0&fs=">Hulu</a>, but there are some old episodes and great clips. More fluff <a href="http://www.examiner.com/comedy-in-national/comedy-fans-rejoice-fx-s-archer-has-been-picked-up-for-a-second-longer-season-with-video">here</a>.</div>birdhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02178511946970145788noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-34962569926523216452011-01-27T10:52:00.001-06:002011-01-27T10:59:52.738-06:00Terrible Movies: Open Water 2: Adrift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjicnRRLpq0s3cL3p6tvMpU5jebrswGbuOgdAFI_DUUfYPrjptIfszLf2PC42nvJh8claV2YIMU4-IkVwpOxY3XMuS-fdmU8L7Kbqp1YWThy2nVa_kXr9y7Vurjcug4_Eq7gEFJrhkjPGSQ/s1600/open_water_2_bild_5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" s5="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjicnRRLpq0s3cL3p6tvMpU5jebrswGbuOgdAFI_DUUfYPrjptIfszLf2PC42nvJh8claV2YIMU4-IkVwpOxY3XMuS-fdmU8L7Kbqp1YWThy2nVa_kXr9y7Vurjcug4_Eq7gEFJrhkjPGSQ/s1600/open_water_2_bild_5.jpg" /></a></div><em>We'll be bringing you something like this every once in a while. RTB knows that you have better things to do than watch a crappy movie--we don't. We'll do the leg work and give you a nice recap. You just relax, and thank your lucky stars that we just saved you a couple hours of your life.</em><br />
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Oh goodness gracious. This movie clearly did for absurd movie plots what Muhammad Ali did for boxing. I've wanted to post a movie review about this flick for some time now, but each time I tried to write, I found myself jumping all over the place trying to explain it. So, I consulted a wise author who offered the <a href="http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/34976.html">following advice</a>: "Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop." I shall now attempt this daunting task.<br />
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<a name='more'></a>The setting for this epic shit-storm is a high school reunion of sorts aboard a yacht among three couples. Couple 1 consists of Cool Dude and Trophy Girlfriend, couple 2 is Husband and Wife, and couple 3 brings us Boring Guy and Annoying Girl. The opening scene has Husband and Wife driving to the dock (they decide to bring their infant daughter for some reason). During the drive, the camera pans to Wife, who is already wearing a life jacket. In the car. You see, she's terrified of water. I think her dad drowned or she drowned her dad or something. Her dad died in water somehow. Husband is trying his best to calm her down as they approach the dock, but to no avail. Wife is a nervous wreck. Let's keep an eye on this. Husband and Wife finally reach the dock to see Cool Dude and Trophy Girlfriend just straight relaxing on a pretty pimp yacht. Cool Dude is all smiles and jokes as he peppers Wife with sly remarks about her utter terror of water. I don't think Trophy Girlfriend speaks english all that well. If I had to guess, I'd say eastern European. "Who's the new chick?" asks Husband. "Oh just the latest and greatest," replies Cool Dude. The character development is already at an all time high, and we've only been on this ride for 5 minutes! Boring Guy and Annoying Girl soon show up, and they all set sail. Get ready.<br />
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We jump ahead a couple hours, and the yacht is out in the middle of nowhere. Time for a swim. Boring Guy and Annoying Girl jump in the water. Husband and Trophy Girlfriend follow suit. Wife and Cool Dude are still on deck. Wife has just put Baby to bed down below, and Cool Dude is getting some quality rays under that hot sun. As Wife is rocking back and forth like a nutjob near the edge of the yacht, Cool Dude swoops in, picks her up and jumps in the water. All in good fun. Cool Dude lets out a hearty laugh as he surfaces. Husband swims hurriedly to his Wife, who is flailing in the water. Wife realizes that the water won't melt her, and everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Only one problem folks: Everyone is in the water, and no one put down the ladder. Mass hysteria.<br />
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So, we've got 6 ducks in the water. Wife has the life vest, and Annoying Girl has an inner tube. That leaves 4 people treading water. Cool Dude orders Annoying Girl to hand over the inner tube. He's going to try to stand on it in an attempt to get high enough to reach the deck. He tries a couple times, and then he pops that sucker. This is why Annoying Girl is named as such. As soon as that baby pops, she starts crying about how she has to tread water now. Ugh, I can't stand her.<br />
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Next thing we know, a phone is ringing on the yacht. This gets the crew in gear. The phone rests in a jacket that hangs over the ledge of the yacht. Everyone is jumping for the jacket, trying to grab just a piece in order to get to that phone. Oh the drama! Boring Guy is able to get a piece of the jacket and makes sure not to let the phone go in the water. He's treading water like a madman as he answers the incoming call. You'll never guess what happens next. The caller on the end turns out to be a group of people singing happy birthday to one of the 6 water bound morons. The treading water folk attempt to yell back, but the singing group can't hear anything as they continue to belt out happy birthday. Boring Guy ain't gonna wait around for this shit. He chucks the phone into the ocean rather than waiting for the group to finish up the song. The group is aghast to say the least. Wife seems to be the only one who understands. "Maybe a phone killed his dad like water killed mine. I undertand his pain," she thinks to herself. This last part may or may not have happened. I'm not totally sure. The slinging of the phone definitely did happen though. I didn't think it could get any more ridiculous. I've never been more wrong in my life.<br />
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Someone has the bright idea to get naked and to tie the swimsuits into a rope. I think Cool Dude came up with this gem. It doesn't work, and now everyone is sans clothes and getting antsy. Husband decides to go swimming about under the yacht to see if there's a secret door underneath or something. He knocks his head on the prop and dies a couple hours later. Adios. Boring Guy remembers that he has a knife in his pocket, and he attempts to stab the side of the yacht and make a handhold to climb up to the deck. Just as he winds up with the knife, Cool Dude stops him. "No way brah. I don't want you messing up my sweet yacht. This baby is way expensive." They scuffle for a bit, and the knife ends up in Boring Guy's heart. 2 down, 4 to go. Just to make sure we're all clear here: Cool Dude would rather everyone die than scuff his yacht (later we find out that it's his boss' yacht, and he's just borrowing it). I don't know about you, but when my choices are option A or dying, I'm going to choose option A almost all the time. Then again, I'm not nearly as cool as Cool Dude, so....<br />
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Needless to say Annoying Girl is distraught that her boyfriend just got stabbed in the heart. She swims off and is never heard from again. 3 down, 3 to go. Trophy Girlfriend thinks she sees land in the distance. Off she swims. 2 down, 2 to go. The pace of the movie is really picking up at this point. We're down to Cool Dude and Wife.<br />
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Murdering his friend sure is hitting Cool Dude hard. He rips of his scuba mask that he's been wearing and throws it against the side of the yacht. The lens of the mask pops out, and Cool Dude gets a great idea. "Why don't I take the lens and wedge it in one of the crevices in the yacht to make a handhold. Then maybe we can climb up." Great thinking. I seem to remember a similar idea earlier. There's no better way to honor your slain friend than to use the idea that got him murdered, right? Cool Dude finds a crevice. Wife climbs on his back and is just barely able to get herself on board. Yay! She lowers the ladder for Cool Dude and then tends to her crying baby. <br />
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Cool Dude, still upset over all that has transpired, declines the offer to come aboard. Instead, he decides to swim off and drown. Not so fast. Wife jumps back in the water to save him. Her crippling fear of water seemingly gone. This is where the movie goes for that Oscar nod. The next scene shows a fishing boat coming across the yacht. It's empty, and the only sound you hear is Baby crying. Everyone died, right? Not sure. The final scene is in slow motion and shows us Wife on the yacht. Cool Dude is there too, but he's facedown on the deck. Fade to black. Roll credits. What the fuck just happened?<br />
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According to the director, everyone died except Annoying Girl--she found her way to an island somewhere after swimming off following the murder of her boyfriend. Of course. The meaning of the last 2 scenes? No clue. I guess the director thought that if the ending was unbelievably confusing that the audience would forget just how terrible the movie was. It almost worked...<br />
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<strong>Note</strong>: This movie has nothing to do with the Open Water 1. It used the name in the hope of riding the original's success. The original deserves its own post.Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1053170518989481954.post-25254503778090734072011-01-26T14:32:00.000-06:002011-01-26T14:32:04.578-06:00Here's Your Hockey PostWe try to give you guys about one solid hockey post every five years or so. This is from the Onion sports show that is currently airing on comedy central (Tuesday nights, 9:30pm central, I believe). It's a show that must be watched. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/VJYDT08b1Lo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Ridehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17427896745514125947noreply@blogger.com0