And I Want A Lifetime Supply of Bugles

Gary, I said over-easy, not over-medium, jackass.

Sean and Kent, of the New York State Smith Clan, have come up with a completely unique and mind-blowing idea: An airline that operates flights between NY to Vegas only, with the kicker that the airline packages its services with certain casinos. You buy your airline ticket along with your hotel room along with tickets to shows and shit.

Oh, I've heard of this, it's called every travel site invented since 2003.

"But wait," exclaim the Smiths, "we also are offering sweet in-air perks like iPad's, texting and club music." Awesome, now I am stuck on a plane for 4 hours with nothing to do but play Angry Birds and watch Jersey rats fist pump to Sand Storm? "Yo, yo, yo! Dis iz DJ JetPack comin' at ya from the deck of Flight 127 headed to Sin City party peeeeeoooopplllleeeeee!!!" Any chance I can get a gun and a lot of bullets with that package too?

Despite the obvious, LV Air is running into a few snags. Namely, they haven't found any casino partners and have not been able to publicly offer any type of price structure. Details are a bitch, eh? Seriously, would I love to pay a flat price for a flight, a room at a happening casino including some VIP perks? Of course. Would I also like a unicorn to cook me breakfast every morning and have that served by Gary Sinese in character as Lt. Dan? Of course.

It ain't happening.

RTB 8-Ball: Southwest Gonna Rape Us All

Gregory (Harvard, '04) just lost $5 Mill on Porkbellies

For those of us who use an airstrip that is served by Southwest Airlines there is no competition. Our search for flights begins and ends at their website. No matter how the numbers appear at the beginning of the planning stage it almost always shakes out that no other airlines can compete with what SW has going. The reasons are many: Tons of flight options to major destinations, cheap tickets, simple and effective reward system, no change fees and no baggage fees. Those last two points have been jimmy-jammed into our melons over the last few months ever since Southwest launched their recent slew of ads.

It all seems good and if this post stopped now our cult of followers would be sure RTB has sold out maaaaaan (shut-up hipsters). Ahh, but this post, sadly for you, is not over and we have a gut feeling that things are going to get very ugly down by the beach...

Pirates Kill 4 Americans Today; Kill 'Em All

This is too relevant not to post, sympathy be damned

Some serious garbage went down today off the coast of East Africa when Somali Pirates killed 4 American hostages. I'm not going to rehash the story, but if you need it you can grab a look here. Obviously it's a tragedy and we all feel horrible for the victims and their families, but what the hell is going on over there? In the news story linked there is a little throw away line that pirates currently hold 30 ships and 660 hostages. I'm sorry, come again?

There are 660 people in this world that are currently being held at gun point by some skinny little bitch of a teenager wearing a Mello-Yello tee from 1991? And we are doing what about this? Oh sorry, that's right, we sniped two of them a few years back and gave another one a few decades in prison....well bravo, jerk offs. I know that number isn't all Americans, but even one is too many.

I have a solution: Stop negotiating with these rodents, instead send a few Navy SEALs (3 is probably enough, honestly) over there for about 2 months to kill every single bobblehead putts'n around in a 12 foot fishing boat. I'm guessing after somebody has a few friends and siblings getting their noggins blown through they will think twice about even thinking about fucking with an American.

One more solution: HEY PEOPLE ON BOATS, STOP GOING ANYWHERE NEAR EAST AFRICA.

Better Late than Never

News out of Lovelock, NV is that the Juice got worked over by some skinhead a couple months ago. The source that reported this is the always reputable National Enquirer. The prison is now denying any harm done to the Juice, but I have reason to believe that an ass-whooping did indeed occur. You see, just like an angel gets his wings every time a bell rings, I get a little pep in my step every time a double murderer gets a shank in the ribs. I distinctively remember a time this past November when I started skipping around the city for no apparent reason blowing kisses to strangers. Now I know why.

The skinny, according to the Enquirer, is that Orenthal was chilling out in the yard regaling his boys with stories of laying with white women. A neo-nazi overheard OJ's stories and became infuriated that white women would associate with a black man. Naturally, a vicious beating took place. OJ, with his arthritic hands, couldn't muster much of a fight. His massive melon took the brunt of the damage, and he ended up in sick bay for a few weeks. Hmmm. If I were Orenthal, I'd be more inclined to brag about lopping 2 heads off and getting away with it than sexual conquests of Christie Prody.

I so want this story to be true, because no one deserves to end up in the ICU more than our main man OJ (well, maybe those jurors that let him get away with double murder, but that's a whole 'nother post all together).

Beating or not, at least OJ is back to twittering...

Breaking: "Respiratory Infection" a new term for an STD

Two hands for safety, what a gentleman.

Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Apparently, following a week long of fundraisers at the Playboy Mansion over 200 people have fallen ill with a "respiratory infection." Yeah, when reached for comment Hugh simply said that whenever he feels sick his doctor tells him to slam two blondes with a glass of water and call in the morning....wow, what a great crowd tonight.

Sorry about that intro, but it is Jay Leno Appreciation Week (9th Annual) around the RTB headquarters. As for the devastating news coming out of LA County this week, it is true that there are 200 documented cases of various illnesses befallen on individuals who were at the Mansion at the beginning of this month. Public health officials believe the cause of the problem is bacteria found in warm water. In other words, a bunch of top-heavy women with questionable morals spent too much time getting smashed (take that verb as you will) in the famed grotto.

Heff has circled the Twitter wagons and made it clear that nobody can prove nothing and therefore all scheduled mass orgies are a go. But, it would appear the legal end of the Bunny Ears Empire is crossing the T's and dotting the lowercase j's, as apparent from this survey unearthed by TMZ (ugh). Our favorite is #4.1, which asks how much time the respondent spent at the grotto, with option D being 4-5 hours. Those who checked 'D' are welcome any time at the RTB Grotto, which may or may not double as a utility closet with a leaky water heater. Steamy...

Sourceness

The Birth of a Legend

Welcome home, Mr. Bond

This is Kate Upton (L). You may recognize her as the girl you have always loved but never knew existed. She is one of the "Rookies" in this year's SI Swimsuit Edition and has been a model for Guess? among other stuff. Right, and she is only 18. So, yeah, I think it is safe to say she will be around for awhile.

I like to think of myself as a bit of an expert on which models are going to flip the switch and get launched into the stratosphere of modeldom and she is next. For those keeping score at home I was on the cutting edge of Heidi Klum, Adriana Lima, Bar Refaeli and Irina Shayk. I did not see the Brooklyn Decker love coming, but I'm fine with missing the mark on that one. Of course I have no evidence to back my assertions except for my undying love for the SI Swimsuit Edition since Tyra Banks was on the cover (before she turned into Oprah without any sort of talent) and more specifically the bodypaint portion, which Ms. Upton stars in as well this year.

Links to know: Her Twitter (Followers jumped by a few hundred today), Her Website (WATCH THE INTRO), SI Swimsuit Home

"Please Accept the Offer. I'll Name it Albert--for Serious!"

Thanks Tony, but it didn't work

This will not become an Albert Pujols blog--one more post on this subject should suffice.  As a Cardinals fan, this ongoing saga has put my blood pressure at a healthy 250/190.  So we've all heard by now that Albert rejected the Cardinals offer for an extension.  When did this rejection take place you ask?  No clue.  Some say two weeks ago, some say an offer was never even tendered.  Rumor has it that ESPN jizzed in their corporate pants regarding this story. A summer full of no football just got a whole lot sexier. Scores of media have descended upon Jupiter, Florida.  From spring training, these media members will then follow the Cardinals along all season asking the same question over and over and over: Where will Albert end up next year? 

The most hilarious part of this whole thing is that Albert doesn't want any contract negotiations once he steps foot in the Florida sun because that might be a distraction.  Really?  That makes sense.  The Sir Albert story is already all over the place.  It's reached mass-hysteria levels in St. Louis.  My brother, who is currently serving our country overseas, sent me the following email this morning entitled WTF:  What is this shit? Did Pujols reject the Cardinals offer?? This is going to be a HUGE distraction all year!  That's right-the latest news has already hit our service men and women on an aircraft carrier half way across the world.  For those outside of Cardinal fandom, enjoy the show.  The most entertaining part of the Pujols situation should be La Russa's post-game interviews--especially after a loss.  Oh boy.  We might see Tony start showing up to the presser's like this: